Three, Four Shut the Door...

    3.  Cam text me the next day to see what I was up to, I told him I was going grocery shopping with my mom (because she was willing to buy me a few things -- which she didn't do all the time, so don't judge me or think I'm a money grubber.)  I told him I didn't know how long I would be and that I would text him when I was done. (Ha, I wasn't used to getting excuses from a girl) The grocery shopping was true and I did have that previously planned with my mom. I went with my mom and told her all about my meeting Cam.
     I remember after we were done, I didn't really want to go and hang out with Cam. (which was obvious)  I was so confused with how the bike ride had been, and how Sally had told me about Cam and her friend always finding themselves back together.  To top it off the Jimmy situation wasn't helping things.  I can't remember if I had text Jane or if she had text me first but she was going to go visit a friend that lived in Payson.  I decided to meet up with her instead.
      I told Cam on the other hand that I was still with my mom and wasn't sure how long I was going to be.  Cam was very understanding (perhaps a little too understanding)  and told me that it was fine to just text him when I got back.  He said him and his friends still weren't doing anything.  I remember thinking, "Seriously? He doesn't get it?"
      It was about 9pm when I started to head back home - not too late by any means but I text Cam and told him I just barely on my way home and that I was tired.  I told him I had to wake up early as well and so I didn't think that hang out tonight would work out.  He then countered with asking me if I had plans for the weekend.
     Again, I was super vague and made excuses about how my weekend was kind of busy.  He apologized if he seemed pushy.  He explained that he was going to be going out of town on Sunday and was hoping to take me out before he left. He then said gave me an out and told me that if I was too busy then to just not worry about it (I liked that he wasn't having any of my game playing). (This was your last chance) I Immediately knew that if I wanted to go out with this guy, I needed to stop thinking so much about it and to just go out with him.  What was the big deal? One date? No problem!  Besides, Jimmy still hadn't told me if he had made a decision to date me exclusively or not.
     I told Cam that I could make it work and that Saturday would be better than Friday.  We made plans for Saturday.  I remember seeing Jimmy for about a half hour that Friday night (we weren't able to spend much time together because he was crazy busy with work and the Fire Academy.  He had a race that next morning that I had gone to for support.  A littler later that day Jimmy text me and wanted to go out later that night.  I told him that I couldn't, that I had other plans.  He started to get persistent telling me that we could maybe hang out after I was done with my other plans.  I told him again that I wasn't going to be able to see him that night and that I would just talk to him later.
       A couple hours before I was supposed to go out with Cam, I went on a bike ride with Jane.  I told Jane that I didn't really want to go out that night.  I just wasn't even sure I wanted to date anyone at all anymore.  I told her I kind of wanted to just do my own thing and that it would be ideal if I could just ride bikes with her all night and just chill.  I knew I needed to go on the date; it was going to be good for me.  I left Jane and headed home to my apartment to get ready for my date.
      As time got closer and closer to our date, I knew I wasn't going to be ready on time.  I decided to warn Cam through a text.  I told him I was running a little late and that he should definitely not show up early.  I warned that if anything he should consider being a little late or he'd probably be sitting on the couch watching a little TV for a few minutes. He text back telling me that if I needed more time that was fine that he would give me an extra 10-15 more minutes. (nothings changed)
      When he came to the door I still wasn't completely ready.  I remember opening the door and he looked at me from under his shaggy hair and smiled.  I thought "DANG! I do not remember him being this cute!" (He was wearing his Converse shoes, with MEK Jeans and had on a gray Abercrombie tee.... yep I still remember!)
      I welcomed him in and told him I just needed another minute.  I ran to my bedroom, finished the last couple of things and walked back out to the living room.  I knew that running late could really get on peoples nerves (Jimmy HATED it).  So I looked at Cam and said, "Just so you know, I'm always running late, always! So if that is something that really bothers you - this might not work out."  He chuckled and assured me that he was pretty laid back.
      As we began walking across the parking lot I began looking for a motorcylce (he had previously asked me if I was okay with riding motorcycles because he had one and knew some girls didn't like them). I think Cam could tell I wasn't quite sure where he had parked so he pointed to a white Mercedes (yup, a Mercedes).  I remember thinking "Who is this guy? He has a motorcycle AND a Mercedes? Clearly this kid is too rich for my blood!"  I must have said something, either that or my facial expression said it all because Cam quickly announced that his Mercedes was a '93 and had no AC.
      When we left my place we were stopped at a red light, yielding to turn right. As we made the turn and headed up the hill, Cam suddenly pounded his hand up and down on the dashboard a few times.  He must have seen me looking at him quizzically because he looked over at me and said "Sorry, the speed-o-meter was stuck."  I busted up laughing and knew from that moment on, it was going to be a good night.  Looking back now, you could say that was the first move to winning my heart.  It totally broke the ice and I felt completely comfortable around him. (ya know it doesn't stick anymore, maybe there was a reason for it not working)

                                                                             *****
Here are a few photos of us from some of our first  dates...

 We Hiked to Stewart Falls

He took me to the Scottish Festival

And we went to The Pit with his friends.

****

     As we tried to think of places to go eat, he looked over at me and said "just so you know, I'm terrible at making decisions so if that really bothers you, this might not work out." I loved that he joked with me like that and laughed.  We went to a Mexican restaurant. (I LOVE Mexican food!) I swear I almost talked Cam's ears right off at dinner!  I never talk that much on first dates, NEVER!  Okay, okay I NEVER talk that much period. (Now-a-days, Cam asks me why I don't talk his ears off at dinner anymore.) I honestly could not stop talking!
     I remember a few specific things about dinner:
              1. Cam told me he was use to the heat and could not believe he had been called to serve his mission in Russia.
              2.  I think it was our waiter's first night working - he was so awkward and shy it was painful to watch him struggle. My heart went out to him ( I know exactly how that feels).
              3. I aplogized as we were leaving the restaurant for talking so much.  I explained that I usually shut up every once in a while.  He then teased me about being so chatty.
      After dinner we went back to his place and got ready for a motorcycle ride. I held on tight! I may or may not have been able to feel his tight six-pack beneath his shirt. He didn't seem to mind too terribly much that was sticking so close to him on the bike.  He would put his hand on my knee every once in a while and make sure that I wasn't cold. Usually that much touchiness on a first date would bother me.  Usually I would think the guy needed to slow the-freak-down because it was only a first date. (I wouldn't have done it but you didn't have to hold onto me, there are handles on the back of the bike) But I didn't mind at all with Cam. In fact, when we got back to his place we watched a movie and cuddled.
         When the movie ended we stayed cuddled up and just talked.  He mentioned how he knew Sally and wanted to know if Sally had said anything to me about him.  I told him that she had just told me that he had kind of dated a friend of hers -off and on.  He then told me a little bit about his previous relationship with that girl.  I remember asking him how long ago had he dated her.  He said that it was a while ago but that up until two weeks ago they were still "hanging out." ( note to all girls - that's guy code for: making out as well - ha ha real smooth Cam!)
       He then turned to me and asked when my most recent relationship was, I casually blew it off by saying "hey, it's our first date; we don't need to get into all of that."  I didn't know how to tell him that I was kinda-sorta dating someone right then. (girl code...just don't try to understand it)
      As we cuddled a while longer I remember wondering if he was going to kiss me and remembering that I was still seeing Jimmy.  I kept getting nervous and thinking "don't kiss me, don't kiss me. Oh my gosh is he going to kiss me?!" Now don't get me wrong, I was not opposed to kissing Cam.  I just knew that if he tried I wasn't going to be strong enough to not let him or kiss him back.  I didn't want to kiss Cam if I had just been kissing Jimmy a few nights earlier and I did not want to hurt Jimmy.  I knew that if I was thinking about not wanting to hurt Jimmy instead of wishing I was with Jimmy, that it was a sign.  I knew it meant that I would soon be shutting that door in my life and it would just so happen to have Jimmy behind it.

4.    And that is exactly what I did that following Sunday.  I told Jimmy I needed to talk - as we sat down and talked I told him that I no longer wanted to be exclusive anymore.  I told him I had changed my mind, and that I felt like he had to think too much about it. I told him that while it took him so long to get back to me I had gone out with someone else and no longer wanted to date just him.
       Right after I told him that, he told me that he had decided.  He said he had wanted to tell me the night before, and he just knew I was on a date with someone else.  He said that he wanted to date me exclusively.  I sat thre for a minute and thought, "this is it.  This is my chance with Jimmy, to see where things go with him." My next immediate thought was of Cameron and so I said, "Jimmy, I just told you that I don't want that."
        Jimmy and I said goodbye and I thought that was that until the next morning. He text me and asked me to give him a chance and to really think about it.  I told him I would and even decided to pray and fast about it.  I remember going to church with Jane that Sunday and latter sitting in her apartment talking to her.
          Jane looked at me and said "Want to know what I think?"
          Considering Jane is my best friend and I value her opinion I said, "yes! What do you think?"
          She replied. "I think you don't want to be exclusive with Jimmy, so I don't get why you are fasting and praying about it when it's not even what you want."
          She just laid it all out for me - plain as day.  Jane had simply stated the (very) obvious to me. For whatever reason, it took her stating the obvious to me to make things click.
         I knew right then that I didn't want to be exclusive with Jimmy.  I had reserves and I needed to date around.  Maybe Cam wasn't going to be the right guy for me, there were not guaranties.  All I knew was that I was willing to give it a shot.  So I ended things with Jimmy and for a while Jimmy and I maintained a friendship- until it didn't make snse for us to anymore. ***PS For the record I told Cam about Jimmy and told him that the reason I said that we didn't need to talk about our last relationships on the first date was because I was kinda-sorta dating someone at the time.  He was really good about it!